Lottery Winnings

It isn't all religious intolerance in Ireland, you know. In Ballyslapdashamockery, for example, three churches needed refurbishment: the Catholic Church, the Church of Ireland, and the Baptist Church. It was going to cost a lot of money indeed. However, there was one young man who had done extremely well on the Lottery in the town, and three clergymen decided they would all go together and ask for a loan so that the buildings could be done up to be a credit to the town of Ballyslapdashamockery. The lottery winner was a decent young fellow, and he was very willing to lend each of the churches one million pounds.

'But there is one condition,' he said. 'When I die, the money must be repaid immediately, and put into my coffin with me!'

The clergymen agreed heartily, and took the million each with many heartfelt thanks.

Well the work began and was finished, and Ballyslapdashamockery boasted the finest three churches in all the land. But, sadly, an unfortunate accident took the life of the young benefactor all too prematurely, and so the churches were faced with the sudden need for full repayment of the debt in time for the funeral. There was, as you can imagine, a flurry of cake stalls, and sales of work, and the Catholics had the bingo and the Church of Ireland had the cards evenings. At the funeral, the Baptist Minister came forward with an envelope, which he stuffed quickly into the coffin. Behind him came the Catholic Priest, who likewise stuffed an envelope into the coffin. And behind him came the Church of Ireland vicar, who did the same.

Afterwards, at the wake, they were drinking coffee (one was a Baptist remember) and suddenly, the Catholic priest broke down in shame. 'I have to be honest,' he said. 'But, work as we might, bingo and cakestalls and all, we could only raise half the money to repay the debt. There are only 500 000 pounds in the coffin in our envelope. I am confessing this to you, brethren, for your mercy.'
The Baptist minister gave a sigh of relief. 'Thank God!' he said. 'For we were in the same boat, but, since we are not permittin' the bingo or the cards, we were left with the cake stalls, and I'm afraid there are only 300 000 pounds in our envelope in the coffin. I am confessing this to you, my brethren, for your forgiveness.'

The heads nodded sagely. The two turned to the vicar. 'What about you? Did you repay the million pounds?' they asked.
The vicar smiled broadly. 'Of course,' he said. 'I wrote the cheque meself!'